My own white knight

I'm not a damsel in distress! you are not my white knight! and I don't need saving I saved myself along time ago.

I don't ask for help because it's pointless when I don't need it I'm an independent woman and I always will be there is no changing that it's the way I was raised and I don't see a problem with it, I've always told myself I want to be in a relationship with someone because I want to be with that person not because I need that person because needing someone just to get by is not a real relationship nor is it real love it's a form of clingy self loathing and a fear of being alone, well I no longer free being alone because I'd rather be alone than feel the pain of a needy relationship.

Forgive me men of the world for not being to one who needs taking care of it's just not in my nature and never will be, because the one time I let someone take care of me they hurt me and sucked the life right out of me and that's the last thing I want. Love is not supposed to hurt, it's not supposed to be messy or make you want to scream however it is supposed to sometimes be complicated.

screaming, yelling, walking away, none of these are ways to handle the problems found in the complications of love. The mature thing to do is talk about it share just how you feel tears not a bad thing to share except when they are out of anger.

The point of all this writing is Cody and I had a huge fight last night and we almost lost each other to the anger, if things end with us I don't want it to be out of anger I want it to be an agreement that we just can't be happy together as lovers, I tend to make it a goal well more of a habit than a goal to stay friends with the people I once loved because they are some of the best friends I have and I wouldn't want to lose them.


Trying to fix the problem is a lot harder than creating the problem. Not knowing how to make this all ok is driving me crazy the thoughts of hiding in a bottle of pills or a nice strong drink cross my mind at every turn to just make it all go away but I know it wont fix it because it will still be there when I wake up in the morning. I need to make it right not cover it up, there is a pit in my stomach telling me this isn't going to be the happy ending I thought it would be.